I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
