i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
