dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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