Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
