I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
