Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My penis needs a shock collar
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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