I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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