Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
