one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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