my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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