Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
