Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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