Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
