She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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