If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
