What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
