I hope mine doesn't look like that
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
