If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
