I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't turn off my feet"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
