OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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