Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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