summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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