OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize