he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize