idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
