dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
