Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
