Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
