Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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