I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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