Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
