how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
