Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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