I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
