____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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