It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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