I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
