I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
