I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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