New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
