You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
