the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
