Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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