it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
