am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
