Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
