he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
