so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
