I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
