Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
