I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I want to make a zoo with you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
