I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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