My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
