This is not my ceiling
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
