she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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