Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
