so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i came on her dog
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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