I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
