what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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