So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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