we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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