Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
