WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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