Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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