I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize