I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
