I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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