With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
