FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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